HomeNews
The Tekken director failed to get KFC’s Colonel Sanders in the fighting game, but here are 10 other corporate mascots he could tryFinger clickin'
Finger clickin'
Image credit:KFC
Image credit:KFC
The long-running chief of the Tekken series, Katsuhiro Harada, once tried to convince KFC to let him use Colonel Sanders as a character in thefighting game, according to an interview withTheGamer. “[They] weren’t very open to the idea,” added game designer Michael Murray, who sat in on the interview. “[Colonel Sanders] appeared in games after that. So maybe it was just him fighting against someone [that] was posing a problem for them.“Never mind, Harada. Here’s a few other corporate characters you could try to squeeze intoTekken 8.GrittyImage credit:NHLThe wide-eyed mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers ice hockey team isno stranger to violence. He is agile, powerful, and fully media trained. There really is no reason why this could not happen.Mr MuscleImage credit:S C JohnsonAh, but which incarnation of the bleach-but-not-blond hero would best fit the Tekken mould? The modern CGI gym bro in orange spandex is the obvious choice, since it fits in with the game’s narrow range of body types. But theboxer-wearing beanpole of the 1990smay offer variety. Yes, the Mr Muscle of today is a reboot. It’s like the Marvel Cinematic Universe but for toilet cleaner.The Annoying Singer From The Go Compare AdsImage credit:Go CompareIn lieu of oversized biffer Bob, this may be a good fit. He is appropriately zany, kooky,andwacky. He can sing his jingle at the start and end of every fight, earning Bandai Namco literally dozens of British pounds in advertising revenue. What’s not to like?The Monopoly ManImage credit:HasbroGod, I’d love to punch him.The Laughing CowImage credit:Bel GroupHer laugh will make an excellent mid-game taunt, and her fondness for showing off her earrings (cheese) puts her firmly into the Tekken developer’s archetypal realm of “women wot punch and like fashion”. Her bovine body may prove a challenge. But this is a series that has had a bear, a dinosaur, a kangaroo, and another, smaller dinosaur. I’m sure they can manage.ClippyImage credit:MicrosoftHi! It looks like you’re trying to attack while your opponent has frame advantage. Would you like help?Get help with parrying hellsweepJust mash buttons without helpDon’t show me this message or any message ever ever againCaptain BirdseyeImage credit:Conagra BrandsLots of room for puns in the post-game gloat with this guy. “I’m going to batter you!” or “I can weather any wave-dash!” or “King of the IronFishTournament? That’s me!” He could have a farcical side story with Kuma, all about the Captain’s salmon stock going missing. Oh, Kuma! You big silly, greedy bear.The Andrex PuppyImage credit:Kimberly-ClarkA literal underdog, the Andrex Puppy would need to be redesigned from the ground up to be viable in the meta. A ranged attack where he throws endless rolls of shit tickets at opponents. Several powerful unblockable charge attacks. This is all surely achievable from a legal and corporate perspective. Surely.Quaker Oats GuyImage credit:PepsiCoLook at him. Look at all that repressed rage. He is not coming out of the ring until you are fully dead.Julius PringlesImage credit:KellanovaHang on a minute… Julius!? This guy has a name and it isJulius? Also, hey! This is just the Monopoly man’s younger brother! That family’s got their fingers in everything. Disgusting. Another condemnation of capitalism’s salty, powdery excess. I’m done with this stupid list.
The long-running chief of the Tekken series, Katsuhiro Harada, once tried to convince KFC to let him use Colonel Sanders as a character in thefighting game, according to an interview withTheGamer. “[They] weren’t very open to the idea,” added game designer Michael Murray, who sat in on the interview. “[Colonel Sanders] appeared in games after that. So maybe it was just him fighting against someone [that] was posing a problem for them.“Never mind, Harada. Here’s a few other corporate characters you could try to squeeze intoTekken 8.GrittyImage credit:NHLThe wide-eyed mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers ice hockey team isno stranger to violence. He is agile, powerful, and fully media trained. There really is no reason why this could not happen.Mr MuscleImage credit:S C JohnsonAh, but which incarnation of the bleach-but-not-blond hero would best fit the Tekken mould? The modern CGI gym bro in orange spandex is the obvious choice, since it fits in with the game’s narrow range of body types. But theboxer-wearing beanpole of the 1990smay offer variety. Yes, the Mr Muscle of today is a reboot. It’s like the Marvel Cinematic Universe but for toilet cleaner.The Annoying Singer From The Go Compare AdsImage credit:Go CompareIn lieu of oversized biffer Bob, this may be a good fit. He is appropriately zany, kooky,andwacky. He can sing his jingle at the start and end of every fight, earning Bandai Namco literally dozens of British pounds in advertising revenue. What’s not to like?The Monopoly ManImage credit:HasbroGod, I’d love to punch him.The Laughing CowImage credit:Bel GroupHer laugh will make an excellent mid-game taunt, and her fondness for showing off her earrings (cheese) puts her firmly into the Tekken developer’s archetypal realm of “women wot punch and like fashion”. Her bovine body may prove a challenge. But this is a series that has had a bear, a dinosaur, a kangaroo, and another, smaller dinosaur. I’m sure they can manage.ClippyImage credit:MicrosoftHi! It looks like you’re trying to attack while your opponent has frame advantage. Would you like help?Get help with parrying hellsweepJust mash buttons without helpDon’t show me this message or any message ever ever againCaptain BirdseyeImage credit:Conagra BrandsLots of room for puns in the post-game gloat with this guy. “I’m going to batter you!” or “I can weather any wave-dash!” or “King of the IronFishTournament? That’s me!” He could have a farcical side story with Kuma, all about the Captain’s salmon stock going missing. Oh, Kuma! You big silly, greedy bear.The Andrex PuppyImage credit:Kimberly-ClarkA literal underdog, the Andrex Puppy would need to be redesigned from the ground up to be viable in the meta. A ranged attack where he throws endless rolls of shit tickets at opponents. Several powerful unblockable charge attacks. This is all surely achievable from a legal and corporate perspective. Surely.Quaker Oats GuyImage credit:PepsiCoLook at him. Look at all that repressed rage. He is not coming out of the ring until you are fully dead.Julius PringlesImage credit:KellanovaHang on a minute… Julius!? This guy has a name and it isJulius? Also, hey! This is just the Monopoly man’s younger brother! That family’s got their fingers in everything. Disgusting. Another condemnation of capitalism’s salty, powdery excess. I’m done with this stupid list.
The long-running chief of the Tekken series, Katsuhiro Harada, once tried to convince KFC to let him use Colonel Sanders as a character in thefighting game, according to an interview withTheGamer. “[They] weren’t very open to the idea,” added game designer Michael Murray, who sat in on the interview. “[Colonel Sanders] appeared in games after that. So maybe it was just him fighting against someone [that] was posing a problem for them.”
Never mind, Harada. Here’s a few other corporate characters you could try to squeeze intoTekken 8.
Gritty
Image credit:NHL
The wide-eyed mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers ice hockey team isno stranger to violence. He is agile, powerful, and fully media trained. There really is no reason why this could not happen.
Mr Muscle
Image credit:S C Johnson
Ah, but which incarnation of the bleach-but-not-blond hero would best fit the Tekken mould? The modern CGI gym bro in orange spandex is the obvious choice, since it fits in with the game’s narrow range of body types. But theboxer-wearing beanpole of the 1990smay offer variety. Yes, the Mr Muscle of today is a reboot. It’s like the Marvel Cinematic Universe but for toilet cleaner.
The Annoying Singer From The Go Compare Ads
Image credit:Go Compare
In lieu of oversized biffer Bob, this may be a good fit. He is appropriately zany, kooky,andwacky. He can sing his jingle at the start and end of every fight, earning Bandai Namco literally dozens of British pounds in advertising revenue. What’s not to like?
The Monopoly Man
Image credit:Hasbro
God, I’d love to punch him.
The Laughing Cow
Image credit:Bel Group
Her laugh will make an excellent mid-game taunt, and her fondness for showing off her earrings (cheese) puts her firmly into the Tekken developer’s archetypal realm of “women wot punch and like fashion”. Her bovine body may prove a challenge. But this is a series that has had a bear, a dinosaur, a kangaroo, and another, smaller dinosaur. I’m sure they can manage.
Clippy
Image credit:Microsoft
Hi! It looks like you’re trying to attack while your opponent has frame advantage. Would you like help?
Captain Birdseye
Image credit:Conagra Brands
Lots of room for puns in the post-game gloat with this guy. “I’m going to batter you!” or “I can weather any wave-dash!” or “King of the IronFishTournament? That’s me!” He could have a farcical side story with Kuma, all about the Captain’s salmon stock going missing. Oh, Kuma! You big silly, greedy bear.
The Andrex Puppy
Image credit:Kimberly-Clark
A literal underdog, the Andrex Puppy would need to be redesigned from the ground up to be viable in the meta. A ranged attack where he throws endless rolls of shit tickets at opponents. Several powerful unblockable charge attacks. This is all surely achievable from a legal and corporate perspective. Surely.
Quaker Oats Guy
Image credit:PepsiCo
Look at him. Look at all that repressed rage. He is not coming out of the ring until you are fully dead.
Julius Pringles
Image credit:Kellanova
Hang on a minute… Julius!? This guy has a name and it isJulius? Also, hey! This is just the Monopoly man’s younger brother! That family’s got their fingers in everything. Disgusting. Another condemnation of capitalism’s salty, powdery excess. I’m done with this stupid list.
