Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
Now, my only friend lay dead at my feet, and I’m in dire need of some new beasts to master. And some cash. It turns out that a fighting style that involves letting shopping trolley-sized swine creatures chew on my heels is bad for the ol’ HP, and having recently blown my savings on half a sausage, I’m forced to shift focus from my current debt collection mission towards a means to fill my own coffers.
A trip to rescue a Catholic stalker’s treasured icon nearly solves both my problems at once. It’s a paying gig, and on my way out of the anomalous poppy field he lost it in, a mind-warping roar heralds the arrival of a Bloodsucker. Perfect! These guys are tougher and far more lethal than the stray dogs and Flesh piggies I’ve been counting on thus far, and unlike the one I met in the tutorial, this one has no qualms with chasing me back towards the nearest bandit camp.
Sadly, not even the Zone’s deadliest hunters are a match for the Zone itself. In his eagerness to suck blood, the Bloodsucker charges straight into a whirligig anomaly that I’d just sidestepped, trapping himself in an invisible vortex that spits him out as snapped corpse. Lamenting that the premature fatality rate of my intended minions is approaching 100%, I return to Zalissya for meds and trudge off to complete what quests I can.
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
To get there, there’s a little more main questing to do, including a sneaky infiltration of a military base – not quite the kind of mission where you can bring a pack of growling, irradiated animals with you. Regardless, I get discovered upon contact with the very first guard patrol I encounter, and deploy a new (yet rules-compliant) tactic of just sprinting straight past them. This works far better than I’d envisaged, if only because I’m constantly pumping in medkits to replace the body matter that all the shotgun shells keep blowing off. I even dash far enough ahead for an uninterrupted chat with the most shootable NPC in all of Eastern Europe, yet my vow to never pull a trigger outside of cutscenes means he gets off with merely being beaten unconscious.
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
After escaping, I’m free to leave the Lesser Zone behind and venture north-eastward, through the charmingly named region of Garbage and into a storm-ravaged set of plains. While only sparely dotted with the towering concrete shells of a few old bases and abandoned construction sites, I had a feeling this would make a more bountiful recruiting ground for my mutant army.
Sure enough, the area’s only semi-intact town is infested with Snorks, unnaturally agile humanoids with gas masks melted into their faces and a talent for pack hunting. Even better, there’s a gang of thugs congregating just outside the town’s borders, apparently unaware of the hungry, hopping dangers within. It could hardly be a better setup: all I’d need to do is lead the Snorks through a single treeline, immediately adjacent to their nest, and I could take out the existential threat that these three malnourished looters would surely amount to.
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
All the more infuriating, then, when none of that happens. The Snorks happily come for my flesh inside the town itself, but upon stepping into the trees, they immediately lose interest and bounce back home. Likewise, the bandits take potshots from a distance, but only at me, and steadfastly refuse to advance beyond their camp and into the Snork’s scent range. I spend several exasperated minutes dashing back and forth between them like a busybody friend trying to get two single introverts to speak to each other at a party, only giving up when realising how many healing items this matchmaking service is costing me.
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
Again, I’m getting the sense that the Zone really doesn’t want to play ball, what with its partially pacifist Snorks and now a heavily-armed neutral faction clearly able to get the job done without me. Just as I’m about to give up on this region and try my luck in Garbage, however, a familiar scream blurs my vision. It’s another Bloodsucker, and yes, he’ll do.
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
The lone survivor is graceful in victory – he must presume the creature’s arrival 0.0045 seconds after mine was an unfortunate coincidence, and doesn’t even consider the possibility that I’d just dragged it over half of Ukraine looking for lives to end. I’m satisfied, though, with this positive K/D ratio. That leaves little left to do but respectfully loot the bodies, including that of a Lt. Sem… Semydomov. Oh. Ohhhhhh. This was the place from earlier, but also the place from earlier-earlier, just approached from a different angle so I didn’t… ohhhhhhhhhhh. Hey Semy, isn’t that funny?
Image credit:Rock Paper Shotgun/GSC Game World
Alright, “Get lost”, I hear ya.
