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Image credit:PlayStation

Image credit:PlayStation

A before and after comparison image from the Soul Reaver remake, showing protagonist Raziel crouching in his cape with his arm wreathed in magical energy

These apparitions and portents, Crystal Dynamics - what game are you playing now? It turns out the game they are playing is: a remaster of amazeballs vampire odyssey Legacy Of Kain:Soul Reaver, together with its less amazing but sturdy sequel. Said remaster project wasrumoured earlier this year, when Sarafan scouts caught sight of a telltale plaque at San Diego Comic-Con. Consider that rumour strongly trending towards the status of a Real Thing, because Sony are in the habit of publishing Real Things, and they’ve just (accidentally, I guess) popped a bunch of screens and a trailer with a release date - 10th December 2024 - on the PlayStation website.

All this comes care ofResetera. My initial reaction to the screens is a hot blend of enthusiasm - because the first Soul Reaver is one of the most treasured games of my childhood - and revulsion - because they’ve properly given this one the Vaseline treatment, and turned all those gloriously grotty PS1 textures and contours into slick Bluepointy figurines that look clean enough to eat off.

“Ghastly past, insufferable future - are they one and the same?” intones Ariel, wraithlike prisoner of the corrupted Pillars ofNosgoth, in an early scene. No, Ariel, they are not the same at all, because I can see my farkin' face reflected in nu-Raziel’s grossly protruding ribcage, and what have they done to Melchiah? He used to be a tragical hummock of biomechanical hinges and soupy pixellation - the lowest-born of Kain’s children, fallen even deeper into ruin. Now, he just looks like a midboss from Doom Eternal.

Image credit:PlayStation

A before and after comparison shot of a monstrous mutant vampire boss from the Soul Reaver remaster

“What have you done with my clan, degenerate?” I cry out unto apparent co-developers Aspyr through the amber prisms of the internet. “You have no right!”

“Oh quit whining, you old goat,” you interject. “I didn’t play Soul Reaver back in the day and I don’t understand any of the references you’re dropping and I don’t want to play this while feeling as though I’m eyeballing a plate of rotten porridge.”

“Look what they’ve done to the plane-shifting effects,” I beseech, ripping at my clothes in a frenzy. “They used to be miracles on PS1, twisting the geometry in such a way as to suggest two worlds without actually building them. Now it just looks like effing screen-tearing.”

“What would you know about the ins and outs of remastering classic games?” you sneer. “Only when you have felt the full gravity of choice should you dare to question their judgment.”

“That’s a line from Soul Reaver!” I squeal, pointing a shaking finger. “This whole exchange is a rhetorical farce!”

“Nonsense, it just came to me on the spur of the moment,” you sniff. “And anyway, I’m not going to sit here and bandy words with some so-called ‘journalist’ who never even played the original Blood Omen games. I’m going to read this here set of leaked bulletpoints instead.”

Experience the Legendary Narrative

Centuries after your former master, Kain, betrays and executes you, you rise again and embark on a relentless quest for revenge.

Wield the Powers of a Wraith.

Shift Between Realms.

The Elder God has granted you the ability to shift between the Spectral and Material Realms. Traverse the realms to solve puzzles, reveal new paths, and defeat your foes.

One thing they haven’t (it seems) meddled with is the voice-acting, and I am sagging with relief, because come on, show me a modern-day game that can chew scenery like Soul Reaver can. I can only think ofBattleblock Theaterand that came out over a decade later.